Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas everyone! Are you broke yet? Did you blow all your hard-earned dough and not get a gift from that one special person? I hate that! Guess what?!? I still have all my moolah. I just got out of
prison, er, I mean the hellhole. They put me in that box. I did solitary, too. I just got out - so I didn't go Christmas shopping. And, guess what? It feels good, man. Instead, I get to loll around tomorrow thinking about what Christmas means to me.. instead of tearing open paper-crap only to find the same ol' bone they gave me last year! hmmm... less see now.. I got me 5 bones.. and.. 3.. rattles. I think the rattles were for the kid. The kid got my bones. I hate that kid. Just kidding. I don't hate anyone. I mean, what would Jesus do? Jesus would say 'Peace be with you'. That means all of us ought to live in peace. Everybody helping everybody else. Hate's bad for you. Badder than not getting any presents under the tree. Just kidding. What could be badder than not getting any presents under the tree? That's right!!! Not having a tree! I got me a tree. See!?
And, if you'll notice, there's no gifts under the tree. But.. Don't cry for me, Argentina! Even if there's no bone under the tree.. I can still eat the Christmas bulbs! Just kidding. I'm not that stupid. I meant, I'll eat the tinsel. Ho! Ho! Ho! No, I don't need any gifts under the tree to celebrate the birth of Jesus. His birth is written in my heart. I'm a Christian dog, just like my Bro, Rascal.
Rascal is a practicing, praying Christian furkid. We go to church together when we can. And, yes, we know there are dogs in heaven. We love Jesus because He loves all creation.
Trixie and me and some of our friends went to Rafa's Christmas Party tonight.
Photo by EllenJo on Flickr
Photo by Flinschrod on Flickr
At his party, Rafa presented me with a gift as soon as we were able to slip away from his guests. We went out on the veranda and stood near the railing holding paws hands. Our eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity; the spell broken only as he slid his gift into my paws.
I didn't open it there; I was afraid someone might see me unwrapping his gift and then *POW* all those dern light bulbs start going off..soooo.. I just quickly licked his cheek and we went back inside to dance. the. tango.
And tangle we did. Then the rumba. I had to kick off my heels. The samba dislocated my hips; that was the end of our dancing. Where that ended, drinking began. First I sipped some milk out of my slipper.. and eventually wound up gulping all the rummed-up egg nog I could find in the house. O, Lordy. That was a mistake. After several hours, I had to call it "a night" and Ruffie summoned the limo to take me and my honchos back to the hacienda. I was a fright to see, they tell me.
By the way, do I look fat in this outfit?!?
Photo by Whitogreen on Flickr
The last straw was when some big ol' fat, bearded guy swooped me up in his arms as I was about to relieve myself under his chair, I guess,, .. and I swear he had me ina choke hold,, swearing under his breath, calling me a ho. But I really don't remember too much about that last hour at the party, but Rafa called me this morning to tell me he loved the pic of me on Santa's lap.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Photo by Byron Raphael on Flickr
I hope you're better behaved than me and don't you dare drink and drive. Have a good one, All.