Contessa ChiChi's Speech at Boastmaster Kennel Klub

[We join Contessa ChiChi as she wraps up her speech at the Boastmaster Kennel Klub..]

..thees is why we must act, and act NOW my dear Dams and Sires! I strongly urge your support on behalf of my Rafa, and for the world at-large, of course! We can not simply dismiss what happened to Samson's strength when that she-dog cut off hees hair! Samson could not keep the pillars up in thees temple to save the people! He lost his strength when hees hair was cut off while he slept!!!

So! Make that call! Call Rafa's sponsors. Tell them that Contessa ChiChi has discovered why her dahlink Rafa is losing some matches. Insist they consider that when Rafa gave up hees own sleeveless tees and pirate pants that's when Rafa's troubles began!!! So you see? Rafa's fans should start voicing their solidarity with a catchy little slogan like,.. like.. these: TennisMasters cut off Rafa's Samson hair! No mo' Samson hair cuts!! Give Rafa his clothes back!! Give back Rafa's hair!! Don't make Rafa wear a fake hair wig!! [crowd roars in unison: Give Rafa his clothes back!! Bring Rafa back wearing sleeveless tees! Bring back the pirate pants!! Rah! Rah!]

You GO, guys! Sing it! Ring it! Don't wing it! [clap! clap! clap! Crowd roars!] Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone! ! Thanks for having me!! [encore roars up from the crowd - but Contessa ChiChi has left the room!]

Later..

Wait a minute.. what's wrong with Contessa ChiChi? Rafa never wore a fake hair wig in his life!

O, that naughty boy, Agassi!

Hola! Contessa ChiChi ees back from spanking Andre!



Ee's such a cute nincompoop, tho ..but ee's a bad, bad boy. Bad, Aggi! .. baaaad! *spank* Take that! *spank* Take thees! And, thees!! *spank* *spank*

But, come on, amigos. Eet's been eons since he was bad! Let bygones be bygones. Thees Andre do so much for so many people and chilldrun now - so I went easy on'm!

Now back off on thees Agassi thing! OK!

SCREEEECH!!!!!

I JUST HEARD ABOUT AG!!!

Rafa Nadal defeated by Marin Cilic in semi-final

Ai-yi-yi! Hola! Amigos, Raffie's match with Cilic in thees semi-final didn't go too well for Rafa; he got run over by thees Cilic-train in an hour and some. Rafa jumped hees rails on the 6-1 6-3 line. Vaca santa! And just so you know - Contessa ChiChi was no where near Rafa during thees match! So don' blame me! I'm not bringing heem bad luck. Maybe later, but not now, ees good?

I theenk Rafa is still trying to find hees game after being slowed down by his knee and tummy injuries. He has such a strong competitive nature and doesn't like to be away from thees matches for too long. Now I have to ask you, does Rafa seem cranky to you on court? I hear some commenters say Rafa (and Andy Roddick, too) is complaining about the length and pace of the ATP season and suggest that ballers need an off-season to recharge their batteries, wouldn't you think?. What's wrong weeth that? I think they have a point.

And hey you! Rafa doesn't make any excuses for losing thees match. In fact, he said of Cilic:

"Cilic is good, is young and has a very good serve but if you are losing 6-1 6-3 there are a lot of things you are doing wrong - mentally I probably wasn't there*."

Rafa is not going to let thees loss get in his head. No, he is going to go forward and play hees best and put hees losses behind him. Rafa is quite mature and centered for hees age and thees lost matches will not do a number on him. He will be back as Numero Uno very soon. His injuries are a product of the past. So, get over eet and stop needling my Rafa or I will have to get up into your face. And,trust me, you don't want Contessa ChiChi to lose her cool.


*Rafa must stop thinking about me during matches, no?

Contessa ChiChi let go as Rafa air coach.. ;>

Well. Eet's been decided thees Contessa ChiChi will no longer be coaching Rafa. Harumph. Some Meathead ees blaming me for Rafa's string of eenjuries?!? *smash* ApPARENTly, someone ees jealous! What else can eet be?

Image by squiggledoo
p.s. Ruffie not too happy 'bout eet.

Rafa Nadal - defeats Monfils - onward to the quarter-finals..\o/

Image by squiggledoo

Hola, mis amigos! Wasn't the match between my Rafa and Monfils a great run? Rafa looks like the champion we have come to know and love, yes? I was overjoyed with Rafa's performance; tentative at the beginning as compared to Monfils' early, energetic start, taking the first set. Then Monfils started to flag and self-destruct as Rafa became stronger and surer as the match progressed. It appears to me that Monfils is a sprinter compared to Rafa who is good for the long run! And who do you suppose Rafa's smiles were aimed at? Hmm.. ;>

Contessa ChiChi goes incognito (again!)

Hey, hey, hey!
Me's been away.
Ees a big secret,
not at liberty to say.

Hey, hey, hey,
me's been away!
Secret under a lid, but
Rafa, ees comeback kid!

Ay-Yi-Yi!
Hey, hey, hey!
Ole! Ole! Ole!
Cuchi cuchi!
That's all me's gonna say!

Rafa will start training Monday for Montreal

Si! Eet ees true! We are Rafa ees getting in shape for Montreal where my Ruffie ees the defending champion! I'm packing, already. Si! Yesterday, Rafa's sexy strong knees were examined and deemed ready for further action, so hees returning to training on Monday next. Hurrah! He's been itching to go rounds and now he geet the go-ahead for knees. I can't wait to travel again. Montreal ees great place for tennis and food and tour of architecture. Montreal ees verry grounded and centered, has an olde feeling about eet, capisce?

"The evolution of his injury is positive and the player will continue with his physiotherapy and muscular work and will resume his tennis activity in a progressive way starting next Monday July 20th, estimating his return to competition on August 8th at the Montreal event," said Angel Ruiz-Cotorro, Rafa's doctor.

Rafa Nadal: "I am happy with the way the tests went and with the positive evolution of the injury as the doctors said. I am really looking forward to practicing again and to do what I like to do the most: to play tennis. The event in Montreal is important and I expect to be there fit to play. Until then I need to continue to work on my recovery and practice well."

Of course we took advantage of thees down time to take een some swim time, you asked. But you know, I have to protect myself from too much sun, and so I had to peek out a suitable bathing suit. Rafa wasn't too crazy about eet..,

..and Ruffie said eet sure beats thees other one I wore at thees beach. 'ey, a girl got to protect her most valuable assets, si?.., la cucarachas!!

Zee you again, amigos!

Nadal's Recipe for the 'Good Life'

Hi! I ees back again..back from many adventures. Yes. Here I ees after another Rafa & Contessa's Most Excellent Adventures. But first..

Everybody always askin' Ruffie the secret to his success with 30 Titles and 6 Grand Slams under his belt; in light of his totally unforeseen defeat at the French Open this year, it comes down to hees humility and mental strength. Ruffie points out that "one needs defeat to give value to your victories". I understand hees way of thinking. Contessa ChiChi alway say one has to die in order to give value to Life. If we all live forever, Life would lose it's meaning. We would take so many things for granted. Rafa ees so centered and sensible. Yes. We agree on everything. Well, mostly.. Recently we be locking horns over fashion. Really.

Rafa Nadal - 5th Monte Carlo Win!

CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE! DANCE TO THE MUSIC!

Rafa has done it again, mis amigos! Now he has 5 Monte Carlo wins! And - he's also equaled Roger Federer with 14 Masters Series titles! Way to GO, Rafa! Vamos, Rafa!




(Excusa para nosotros un minuto! *sonrojar* we are having a wee celebratory smooch.)

I knew Rafa could and would win! Although the match with Novak Djokovic was not an easy won (making more errors than he usually does, initially, in thees opening game), but he rallies with his trademark forehand to help heem break to love in game 5 and from there he went straight out for another 4 games to take thees set! It was pretty hairy for me to watch Novak capture the 2nd set, but he didn't use his advantage to his best ability. Dear Rafa came back like a wrecking ball in the 3rd! Okay, okay! So, Contessa is committing hyperbole crime now. I make it all better on your anti-hyperbole boo-boo now, okay? To be truthful, Novak gave Rafa a run for his moneys and no one can call Novak a slouch. Hees not #3 for looks alone, you know. He has fairly hefty bag of tricks, too. Now - you boo-hoo feel better now I kiss it? All riiiiight!

Whew! Now Rafa's off to Barcelona (with ChiChi, we theenk..;>) to compete for a fifth successive title win after wheech it'sa Roma for the Rome Masters! Wheeeeeeeeee!

BoBama - FDOTUS - OldFriend Amigo now Bomigo?

Heh heh, I know who ees really making lots of bones and squeaky toys off thees "rescue dog" tale - and that would be my old furfriend - Amigo's New Hope - yah - kinda korny name, but Amigo is kinda korny. I know this - cuz BoAmigo is OldFriend of Contessa ChiChi, si? Now he's a stu-nod, too, for taking on the "role" of First Dog of the United States. FDOTUS. (Name sorta fits, hunh?) Wow. Makes me wonder what's in eet for heem. Better digs? Better orts? Better ticks? Better tricks? (Upside to being neutered?) Well, Bomigo, you sold yourself out. You've made your own bed. Now lie in it. Just don't go all ape-sh*t if you get up with fleas! Dona wanna hear eet! *paws in ears*

I CAN'T HEAR YOU! NoNoNoNoNO! La-la-la-la La La. NO CAN DO! NO CAN DO!

BO BO BAMA - SITS FOR THE LAMA,
AND BEGS FOR HIS MANNA!
LASSIE WOULDN'T DO IT!
RIN TIN TIN WOULDN'T DO IT!
CONTESSA CHICHI SHOULDN'T, COULDN'T, WOULDN'T! NO! NO! NO! SHE SAY -
NO CAN DO! NO CAN DO!
GO, MAMA!

BoBama, BoBama, bo-obama,
Banana-fana fo-fama,
Fee-fi-mo mama,
BoBama!

heh heh heh!

No, no, no - don't feel bahd for BO, cuz he wasn't "rescued" by nobody, according to thees article. (How come we gotta go overseas to get the truth - about anything going on here?) He was raised by a breeder in Texas and registered under hees real name Amigo NEW Hope (vs. Clinton the OLD Hope? wassupwithdat?). Also, he apparently is named after Michelle Obama's granddaddy nicknamed Diddley after blues singer Bo Diddley. Whatamimissing here? According to that, shouldn't FDOTUS be named Diddley Obama? Lastly, BO doesn't know how to swim. Not good for a Portuguese water dog, no?

I wonder what TOTUS feels about this infringement on his territory, huh? On no, Mr. Bill! I see some p*ssing contests wars a-comin'! Duck!

RAFA NADAL Nominated for LAUREUS Award - For WORLD Sportsman of the Year

My one-of-a-kind sports marvel, Rafa Nadal, has been nominated for the Laureus World Sports Award for winning the French Open, Wimbledon and Olympic gold medal to become tennis Numero Uno! Camino por recorrer, Rafa!

Si, glad you asked. The sport's world has its own equivalent to the film industry's Academy Awards, in the annual Laureus World Sports awards ceremony. Sports media from 112 countries make the nominations and the winners will be selected in a secret ballot by 46 supersportstars, members of the Laureus World Sports Academy, including John McEnroe, Nadia Comaneci and Jack Nicklaus. The Awards are usually presented at an annual Awards Ceremony but this year's ceremony has been scrapped because of the global financial crisis, so the winners of this year's Laureus World Sports Awards will be receiving their Awards individually at a series of presentations during May and June.

"It seemed to us, with so many people suffering, that this was the wrong time to be staging this event," Edwin Moses, chairman of the Laureus World Sports Academy, said in a statement. "This is the responsible thing to do."

Nadal goes up against the likes of :

• Usain Bolt from Jamaica, the first man to win 100m, 200m and 4x100m Olympic gold medals in world records.
• Lewis Hamilton from the UK, the youngest ever Formula One World Champion at 23 years and 300 days.
• Michael Phelps of the US, who won 8 gold medals in a single Olympiad to overtake Mark Spitz's record.
• Cristiano Ronaldo from Portugal, FIFA World Player of the Year, scored 42 goals for Manchester United.
• Valentino Rossi of Italy, who beat Giacomo Agostini's record 68 500cc wins, and won 6th senior world title.
  

(These names were taken off Rafa's website..:)

Andy Murray wins his first Semi on clay - will play Rafa Nadal

Andy Murray, looking good, after reaching your first semi-final on clay. Big day for Murray - wins match against Italy's Fabio Fognini 7-6 (13-11), 6-4 in morning game and then caps the day by winning the match with Nikolay Davydenko 7-6 (7-1), 6-4 late evening.

Match set. Murray vs. Rafa. Tomorrow. Be there, or rawrrrrrrrr!

VAMOS RAFA!

Si! Si! Contessa ChiChi hearts Susan Boyle!

I was going to tell you some things I did and saw during my short hiatus, like visiting my friend Charo, then, how I know thees White House's new furkid on the block, Bo - but, now is come down to, "Oooh, Chich, have you seen thees Susan Boyle video?!" "Contessa, you gotta hear thees!" and "Lordy! I have met my Dream girl!!"

Ay-yi-yi!! All ready! Of course, I've heard thees video! Poetmeister had to run it by me for approval, dontchaknow? Heh heh.. heh.. har. Just kidding, mistress. Ahem.. what I meant to say is, yah..... she's my new role model. If she can go onstage in front of Simon Cowell (t-t-tremolo) and be as poised and centered as she was with all thees tittering from the audience, then..well, I can get my voice on, too! RAWWWWWWRRRRRR!!!

Trixie says I should make sure you have seen thees supercalifragilisticexpialidocious video, too, so here eet ees. Take note tho, how come noone have style her eyebrows (with thees paintbrush,si? I bad, really really bahd. Don't try thees at home..or your mother slap you up side thees head for making fun of my eyebrows, too! -oo- Don't do eet! Instead, cultivate your heart weeth luv for inner beauty, si?)

It's official! Rafa Nadal dispatches Ljubicic 6-3, 6-3

I toldya so! I toldya so!

Rafa has secured his place in semi-finals at Monte Carlo Masters!! Will it be Murray or Davydenko?

I don't know!

Having said that - I'm going with Andy Murray. He looks primed. Mwaaaahahahahaha, cha cha ..si?

Why, you ask? Davydenko played Nalbandian earlier today and I think he's pooped out. But, we'll see, no?

Live Text this match over on BBC Sport Tennis here.