Thursday, September 19, 2013

Ay-yi-YI!!! Where's Waldo! Hunh? Yo crazy? Where the HEY is Contessa ChiChi? Dam you, gurl!!

Amigos!  I'm issuing a BOLO for Contessa ChiChi, my dear friend.  Senorita ChiChi es missing from reality.  I theenk she has been nabbed by nefarious factions of the Rafarian TeenyBopsters in the mountains of Chili (without Tabasco elements).  I think Contessa CHili, er, ChiChi was wearing diamonds. I can say with the same expressionless, whiny drone as the voice of Sen. Amy Robotchar of MN that, FUR SHURE, Contessa ChiChi disappeared in plainclothesman garb and not in that hedious fish bathing suit!  Sheesh.

I weel not give up on you, Contessa ChiChi.  I will return you to your rightful arm, if it takes all my days away from Area 51.  Okay?  You should come back NOW.  Rafa won the U.S. Open and he fell to the ground tearful, crying out your name.  Pleeze come back Contessa...Rafa needs you.. (sob)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Deranged Soviet forces Contessa ChiChi to surface over Novak Djokovic win!!


Amigos!  What a pickle thees Australian Open win by Novak Djokovic has put me in!  ('Specially since I haven't written an iota about Raffie since middle of last year!)  I'm surfacing today from undercover assignment for the courtesy of sharing in the elation that my good friend Deranged Soviet is obviously feeling over Djokovic's second Australian Open win! As many of you know, Deranged Soviet ees an ardent supporter and admirer of Djokovic.  Now I must say, as disappointed as I was that my Raffie could not go on to win thees event because of hees injury, Djokovic put on a stellar show of hees prowess, confidence and enviable six-pack. And, hees tennis-playing was spectacular, too, si?  I should add, the only distraction being thees loud roars, audible sighs, limbs akimbo, and the possible dreaded show of lachrymal extrusion.  But I'll leave it to the British press to cover Andy Murray.

Now, eet's true I've been as busy as a 'possum rounding up her kids these past months, some details of which I am not at liberty to speak about here, but suffice to say, for a momento, every body and I do mean every bod-y has cornered or treed me over this necessary hiatus - insinuating - yes - insinuating that me & Ruffie broke up last summer over some stoo-pid swimsuit that he hates!!   THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE!!!  I will never be seen in thees fishwear again, contrary to thees rumor running rampant in the tennis world.  Ay-yi-yi!

Wearing thees one has dogged me ever since I put eet on.  The first time Ruffie saw me in it we were at the beach. I was covered up in my beautiful shag rug robe.  When it came time to join Ruffie and the fishes in the ocean, I approached Ruffie in my best fashion runway stunner-look saunter, with my paws clenching thees sides folded across the front of me and when I came within a few feet of heem, I flung open my robe a la Demi Moore to show him my beautiful fishwear with matching goggles...  and..  and... thees is so difficult for me, si?.. when a look of horror came over Rafa's face..  like he was looking at an old geezer throwing his coat wide open to expose himself..  and.. (gasp).. I just knew it then - he hated my swimsuit  - with a passion!!  Like tennis passion!  I ran back to our blanket confused, hurt and burnt, tripped over thees lounge chair - and proceeded to bury, si bury, my head in the sand, literally.  Which totally smudged my mascara and matted my beautiful fur coat.  So that didn't last longer than a minute.  Ruffie, as always, was a perfect gentleman (after he composed himself). He put his arm around me, then told me he would still love me even if I wore a peeled-back sardine can for a bathing suit. See?  Thees is why I adore Rafa!  He loves me for who I am. I am a fur ball.  And an adorable one at that!  I can't change what I am.  I swore then, and I'll swear now,  I'll never ever ever wear that fishwear again.  And I mean it!  So, hopefully now I've put thees 'they broke up! they broke up!' rumors to rest..

..and now I'm off to drink a toast with my friend, Deranged Soviet, and other tennis friends who are celebrating Novak's Aussie win!  I think Novak's most dedicated admirer has to be Deranged Soviet.  Not only does Deranged Soviet love heem as a baller, but thinks he's hot, too!

I feel a better player now
because physically I'm stronger,
I'm faster and mentally I'm
more motivated.
--Novak Djokovic
 Courtesy of Yahoo Images

Just sayin'

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Rafa Nadal: Surprise 20-minute practice session in the rain at Queen's Open!

Oh, pu-leeze! So, Rafa takes practice session in the rain.  Why thees make the news?  Eh!?  Let's remember, the rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain, shall we?! -oo- He's used to playing tennis in the rain.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Well, Contessa ChiChi got another surprize for you, amigos.  Rafa has practice sessions in the shower.

I know thees because he sings in the shower and makes big racket. Tengo que decirlo callarse, a veces.   But he'sa such a hoot when he sings; you know hees  game-face sneer when he'sa pumping air after a winner?  Well, that's what he does when he sings.  He look like singer Elvis. Remember heem with hees whiplash sneer, curled lip and swivel hips? Well - Rafa does that, too, when he sings - only more manly and more convincingly.  But, that'sa my Ruffie for ya!


Hola! Gotta go now, amigos!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

BINGO! We got a winner here! Nadal wins FO clay then reaches 3rd round, clay-to-grass court, in Queen's Club

You rock, Rafa, sweetie!  Vamos!  Watching you take thees match in straight sets, 6-2 6-2, against Brazil's Marcos Daniel was a bee-u-ti-ful sight.  Looks like you're gonna be a force to contend with this year; watch out ballers, si?  It makes me heart sing to see you playing so magnificently again, Raf! See ya at Wimbledon!  Can't wait.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Rafa Nadal bests Jurgen Melzer to reach French Open Final

My Ruffie knocked the stuffing outta thees Swedish Jurgen Melzer een their semi-final match today which pits Rafa against Robin Soderling in Sunday's final at the French Open - giving Rafa a chance to win hees fifth FO title.  You weel remember it was Soderling who keeled Rafa's dream of winning last year's French Open by knocking heem out in the 4th round! So watch out, Robin, Ruffie has the fire in his belly for fulfilling his dream thees Roland Garros.  

Vamos, Rafa!
Contessa ChiChi Hearts Rafa
Image by

'American Idol' Lee DeWyze to sing anthem at Game 2 of NBA finals

Hola!  'American Idol' Lee DeWyze to sing anthem at Game 2 of NBA finals -and guess who's gonna be his bodyguard  for the event?  *wink*  Contessa ChiChi will take good care of Lee DeWyze, so donna worry, si?

Ahh.. si. Picking up where I left off ..

  ..regarding Mel Content walking een on my party.. all decked out in hees usual sourball attitude.  If you don't stop by here every day you probably don't know that Mel is my handler.  He calls the shots.  And no, NO, I did not like having to go undercover with Christopher Chance, the Human Target, at this time.  But I am on-call basis with the agency.And I'd miss most of my Ruffie's matches if Chance didn't wrap things up in an hour when he works with me..  as things pan out now, I'll manage, just barely, to see the final at FO!
 Image by mbdaily on Webshots
Oh, and another thing, you should know Rafa knows nothing about my work as an undercover agent.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zada. Zero. Zilch.  By the way - did I mention Rafa doesn't know N.O.T.H.I.N.G. about my being an undercover agent ?!?  So don't go shootin' yer big mouth off about my extracurricular activities, k!?  Think you get thees picture now, si?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Federer eats dust as clay court King Rafa Nadal wins Madrid Open.. \o/


Rafa avenges last year's final defeat to Roger Federer by a stellar performance at thees Madrid Open; 6-4 7-6 (7/5) een 2 hours and 11minutes of rarified prowess, giving Rafa record-breaking 18th ATP Masters crown and further extending hees astounding successful run on clay for 168 wins out of 174 matches since 2005!

Not only is Ruffie in his best form after defeating (ok, pummeling Dasco profusely) fellow countryman Fernando Verdasco 6-0 6-1, Ruffie won his 6th consecutive Monte Carlo Masters title! Aaaaand, it marks the end of an 11-month title drought for heem; last trophy won was at the Rome Masters last year. Maybe Rafa's fans can build a ramp from last year's Rome Masters win over Rafa's drought to the Monte Carlo Masters win. Like thees drought didn't even exist, get it? Whaddyasay?  Whatever..  Without a doubt, my Ruffie has come back from the Dread! 

It was a fierce battle between thees top superstars.  Even though the 2nd set went to tie-break and eet looked like Fed came out of thees gate swinging weiners, Ruffie hit back long, deep and continuously to secure thees set, won thees match and the 39th title of his career.  

For better reviews, snarky jive, and expertise on all-things-tennis, y'all have to finger over to RiCH's supercalifragilRiCHisticTENNISalidocious blog Down the Line!

Vamose, Rafa!  Rafa Rules!
RiCH rules, too!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Celebrate! Celebrate! Dance to the Music! \o/ Rafa Nadal wins 5th Rome Masters title!

HOLA!!  Just got in from Rome!  We're very, very happy about thees win, amigos.  Ruffie has now attained Aggi's record of 17 Masters titles!  Thees is so mind-blowing, given hees young age.  Aggi was in hees 30's when he attained this record.

How do you like my tan?

Ruffie took thees pic.  He says
thees is my best tan, ever!  (I almost
let it slip that my best tan ever - I got
in El Paso! *Rome* sounds so much
better, si?)

Rafa won against David Ferrer 7-5 6-2 but just 'tween me and you,
I think Ferrer presented a challenge for Rafa.  There were some real
outstanding rally's and points won by Dah-vid. 

And you should know I hate it when it rains and the match is suspended.
Thees kind of interruptions in play can throw a baller off his game!

I hate it when I gets my fur wet.  And I hate rain hitting my face and blurring
my vision.  But don worry, I come up with really neat solution.  hee hee

(Ruffie thought it was a little over the top.
HA. Men!)